About…   The Nature of Love and Relationships

                      Generally Acceptable Relationship Guidelines for the New Era

 

 

 

Table of Contents and List of Diagrams/Tables

 

Page

List of Diagrams and Tables

Foreword . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .              1

 

PART I:  Personal Issues in Relationships

Introduction: Relationship Obstacles  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .      9

Chapter 1:   Personal Needs versus Relationship Needs  . . . . . . . . .     18

         Personal Needs (Motives) behind Love . . . . . . . . . . . . .       22

         Satisfying Our Needs in Relationships . . . . . . . . . . . . . .      24

                         Relationship Needs  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .       28

                         Compatibility Limitations  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .       30

                         The Forces of Evil  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .       32

                         Need Setback Hysteria   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .       34

Chapter 2:  Inner and Outer Forces Affecting Personality  . . . . . . .     35

                                                               I.Inner Forces of Personality  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .          36

A.     Instinctual Forces  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .     . . . . .    37

                                                                                        i.    Need for Dependence vs. Independence  . .             37

                                                                                      ii.    Need for Control  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .             43

                                                                                   iii.    Need for Sex  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .              44

                                                                                     iv.    Need for Love  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .              45

B.     Genetic Forces . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .          45

C.     Conditional Forces (Habits)  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .          46

D.    Reactional Forces (Impulses) . . . . . . . . . . .    . . . . .     47

                                                            II.Outer Forces   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .            48

Chapter 3:  Personality Aspects . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .        51

                         Personality Model . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .      54

                         Interactions of Personality Aspects  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .     59

                         Learning about Our Personality Aspects . . . . . . . . . . . . .      62

                        Being Good and Enlightened . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .       65

Chapter 4:  Perceptions and Misperceptions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .      68

                         Perceptions, Trust, Love . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .     70

                        Misperception Levels  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .     72       

            Misperception Types   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .      76

Misperception Cycles  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .     79

Understanding Our Partners  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .      80

         Personal Flaws and Reactions Due to Misperceptions  . .     82

Chapter 5:  Consciousness and Communication   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .       84

                         Consciousness and Personality Aspects . . . . . . . . . . . . . .      92

                         Consciousness, Communication, and Perceptions . . . . . .     94

Chapter 6:  The Nature of Love  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .           96

                        What Is Love/Why It Is Important to Know That  . . . . .          96

                         The Effect of Hormones on Love and Relationships . . .       102

         Love as a Reflection of Personality Aspects  . . . . . . . . .      104

         The Outlook for Love  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .       106

         The Meaning of Love  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .        107

         The Power of M-love  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .         109

         Reasons for People’s Impressions of Love  . . . . . . . . . .       110

Chapter 7:  The Nature of Relationships  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .          111

         A Definition of Relationships   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .        113

         The Transition   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .          114

         Objectives of a Relationship Framework: . . . . . . . . . . .        115

A.  To Enforce Teamwork  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .           116

B.  To Bring Objectivity Back into Relationships . . . . .          119

C.  To Increase the Effectiveness of Communications  .       120

D.  To Reduce our Expectations from Relationships . . .        120

E.   To Overhaul our Mentality and Social Mechanisms          122

                   Myths and Misperceptions about Relationships: . . . . . .       122

·     Misperception about the Longevity of Relationships        122

·     Misperception about the Role of Love . . . . . . . . . . .         124

·     Misperceptions about Happiness and Human Nature        127

 

PART II:  Relationship Structure for the New Era

Chapter 8: Relationship Expectations—Old versus New . . . . . . . .      135

         Social Implications of Relationships . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .      136

         Successful Relationships  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .      137

          A Review of Relationship Expectations  . . . . . . . . . . . . .       138

Chapter 9: Relationship Framework   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .        152

                        Components of a ‘Relationship Framework’ . . . . . . . . . .      155

§      R-entity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .          155

§      Commitment to Teamwork . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .            159

§      Relationship Expectations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .           159

§      Relationship Models  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .           160

§      Relationship Principles—GARP . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .          161

§      Relationship Needs (Success Factors) . . . . . . . . . . .        161

                        The Ultimate Objective of the Relationship Framework  .   161

                        How Partners Can ‘Relate’ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .     167

Chapter 10: Relationship Principles (GARP)  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .        169

                        Can GARP Really Solve Our Relationship Problems?          170

                        GARP’s Objectives  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .          170

                        Is Developing GARP Feasible? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .         177

                        How Can GARP Be Developed and Propagated?  . . . .         178

                        A Replica of GARP  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .         179

Chapter 11: Radical Solutions   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .        183

    Adjustments to Couples’ Mentality . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .        186

         Adjustments to Social Mechanisms . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .       187

Chapter 12: Relationship Needs Hierarchy   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .       203

         Relationship Models  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .        204

         Personal Needs versus Relationship Needs  . . . . . . . . . .      206

          The Interpretation of Relationship Needs Hierarchy. . . .      208

          Need Urgency Implications   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .       213

          The Impact of Need Urgency on Relationships  . . . . . . .       216   

                       The Impact of Instinctual Needs  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .        217

                         The Impact of Need Urgency on Need Setback Hysteria     218

Chapter 13: Compatibility Measures   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .        219

                         Type One Measures: Partners’ Personality  . . . . . . . . . .       221  

                         Personality Factors. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .        222

         Type Two Measures: Partners’ Needs . . . . . . . . . . . . . .         227

                         Type Three Measures: Partners’ Perceptions  . . . . . . . .       229

 

PART III:  Final Observations and Recap

Chapter 14: The Destiny of Relationships  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .       233

                         Is Year 2115 a Good Target?  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .        233

                         Facts and Trends Regarding Relationships  . . . . . . . . . .        235

                         Emerging Relationship Circumstances  . . . . . . . . . . . . .        237

                         The Timetable to Implement Radical Remedies . . . . . .        256

Chapter 15: Gender Differences  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .        258

Chapter 16: Summary and Conclusions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .        268

Epilogue:     The Mystery of Love  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .        308

 

List of Diagrams and Tables

 

Diagram  Table                  Description                                                     Page

1.1                               Maslow’s personal needs hierarchy  . . . . . . . . . . . . .          18

1.2                               Three pillars of relationships . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .          19

1.3                               Companionship needs vs. personal needs . . . . . . . . .           20

3.1                   A simple model of mental structure and behaviour  .             52

              3.1    Descriptions of numbered arrows in Diagram 3.1  . .            52

3.2                   Personality ABC (measured by its three aspects) . . .           57

3.3                   Two examples of personality based on the lengths

  and angles of X, Y, and Z  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .          58

3.4                   One’s perception of oneself  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .       59

4.1                               Our partners’ perception of our personality  . . . . . . .           68

4.1         Each partners’ perceptions of each other and 

  their relationship. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .         75

4.2        Partners’ common misperceptions  . . . . . . . . . . . . . .           75

5.1                               The basic cognition model . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .         84

5.2                               The cognition model  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .        85

5.3                               The Self with three levels of consciousness . . . . . . .            86

5.4                               The impact of consciousness, perceptions, and

  communications on behaviour (reactions) . . . . . .               95  

7.1          The basic nature of relationships (emerging trends)          112

8.1       A preliminary list of relationship expectations  . . . .          139 

8.2       The updated list of relationship expectations . . . . . .        151

9.1       Components of a ‘relationship framework’ . . . . . . .        155

9.2       The proposed list of relationship expectations . . . . .         159

9.3       The list of invalid relationship expectations . . . . . . .         160

9.4       Parameters of a successful relationship/

  Relationship needs  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .     162

11.1       Realistic relationship expectations  . . . . . . . . . . . . . .      185

11.2       Unrealistic relationship expectations  . . . . . . . . . . . .       185

11.3       Adjustments to couples’ mentality   . . . . . . . . . . . . .        186

11.4       Adjustments to social mechanisms . . . . . . . . . . . . . .      187

12.1                               Relationship needs hierarchy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .     204

12.2                               Relationship needs hierarchy shown as a social need        207

12.3                               Relationship needs hierarchy shown as a basic need        207

12.1       Main relationship models . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .     210

13.1                               Personality chart . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  221

13.2                               Need urgencies of partner A vs. partner B (and C vs. D)  228

13.3                               An example of perception measurement . . . . . . . . . .        280

15.1                Gender Differences . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   258